My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
