i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
