12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
