ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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