it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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