So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
