He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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