in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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