We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
