You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
