They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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