I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
