he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Life is so much better after having sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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