do herpes really smell.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
