I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
