I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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