i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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