i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
