Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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