My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
