Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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