just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
be right there i have to get my cape
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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