I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
