in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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