Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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