I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
