Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
