Your tits are I can't wait for
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
