It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We have so much sex to catch up on
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
