Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
