i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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