So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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