Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
