Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
