can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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