she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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