69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that is very illegal...i love you.
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