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That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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