Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
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he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going