Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.