Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.