I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.