we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you had me at cake vodka
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.