The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.