i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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