You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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