Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
