dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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