my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
