then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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