Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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