How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.