Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just threw up on my dentist
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.