I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.