Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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