I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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