I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
