Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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