I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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