they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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