As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
