we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
