You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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