bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
