Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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