I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
