So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
