is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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