Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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