My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You pole danced in your parka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry about my life...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
