the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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