Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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